Facebook
by comet80
Summary: inspired from the newest episode. Stan Marsh hates facebook. Style. Slash.


_**Hi guys. I haven't written South Park fanfiction for ages, and I'm just getting into it again. I'm glad to see a whole bunch of new writers in this fandom, especially slash writers :D I totally just got this idea from the recent episode, so this is just a quick oneshot I wrote and posted while the idea was fresh in my head. This will have somewhat of spoilers if you haven't seen the episode, and I threw in a little bit of something else from season 14, if you've seen the previous episode. This fic will be Style, with pretty much no Stendy, and a microscopic Stenny cameo that isn't even anything.**_

**_I do however have a fic to keep a look out for, if anyone is interested in Goth Stan fics, it should be up soon, so when it's up, check it out._**

**_Disclaimer: Because I literally own South Park and this episode went exactly like I said. I also don't own Facebook, because then I could actually purchase South Park and make Matt and Trey my minions and have them wrtie canon style and Stenny._**

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Facebook.

It was the trend everyone in South Park was into, and Stan Marsh fucking hated it. He hated everything about Facebook, from the stupid "You have 3 new friends!" to the embarrassing comments his dad left on his wall.

_Stan, why won't you reply to my pictures I posted of our family reunion? Come one Stan, reply to me! And Stan, don't forget to poke your grandma!_

Stan hated the way Facebook made him get mobbed in the streets for not replying to a stupid photo in some stupid pose, or by some person who's "known you forever." He hates how he gets tagged in the stupidest photos, especially baby photos his mom decides to upload to her wall to show her third cousin twice removed or something, that same cousin or aunt who's seen Stan twice in his life: birth and some funeral when he was a baby.

Stan hates the stupid virtual farms and virtual cooking games he gets requested to join and most of all Stan _detests_ the virtual Yahtzee game he gets forced into. Stan hates how he wins each game without trying, and he hates how he simply cannot lose.

Most of all, Stan hates that stupid relationship status on Facebook. He hates having to tell the world he's in a relationship with Wendy Testaburger, or that his father is indeed the man with the profile picture of himself sitting on giant balls.

Stan hates how Kyle leaves silly best friend-like messages on his wall, silly messages that only they understand. He hates how Shelley bullied him into adding her, and now she and Cartman both post rude comments at whatever Kyle says to him.

Stan hates how Wendy can see the fake flirtation they do each other's walls, or the silly wink face Kyle responds with. Stan hates it even more when Wendy posts her status as "it's complicated with: Stanley Marsh."

Stan hates how some feminist aunt of Wendy "likes" her status, which is clearly a rant about Stan and Kyle having secret conversations on each other's wall.

He hates how he can easily see Wendy bitch to Bebe and their friends about boys and breakups, and hates it even more when the relationship status of her becomes "officially single." Stan hates seeing how 54 friends "liked" her status, and Kyle is one of them.

Stan hates it when a few weeks later Kyle starts quoting love songs as his status, and somehow Stan gets tagged in each of them. Stan hates it when Kyle asks him out _through_ Facebook, and Stan accepts, only because Kyle won't reply in person.

Stan hates how 300 friends "liked" his new relationship status: Kyle Broflovski is in a relationship with: Stanley Marsh." Stan hates how Kyle's idea as a "first date" is to take new profile pictures of them together, doing couple stuff. Stan hates it even more when his parents see the picture and "like" it. He hates how Kyle's mom post's on his wall: _Make sure you and Kyle use condoms, Stanley _and how his dad likes that post.

Stan hates how Kyle likes to date through Café World, or Farmville, dates that don't involve being away from Facebook for too long.

Stan hates that Facebook keeps calling him "Stanley Marsh" all the time, and how he can't figure out how to change that goddamned name of his.

He hates how Facebook fucks with his and Kyle's relationship, how a drunken Kenny posts a flirtatious comment on Stan's page, making Kyle angered at Stan flirting with other men.

Stan hates having to _explain _that Kenny was drunk, and Stan hates that all of Facebook pretty much knew about the fight.

Stan hates that Fatass made a group about him and Kyle. "Who thinks that Stan Marsh and Jew Boy won't make it??" Stan hates how random people he doesn't even know join that group, and Stan hates how Bebe starts a group stating that he and Kyle are the "cutest couple in South Park."

Stan hates that Bebe's group doesn't fail, and that he and Kyle celebrate their anniversary taking matching profile pictures. Stan hates how Kyle posts the kissing image on his profile for the world to see, and Stan hates reading the comments pertaining about his sex life.

Stan hates how Kyle persuaded him into Facebook in the first place. He hates how Kyle came in, begging, crying, _pleading._ He hates how he gave in so easily to Kyle, and how he couldn't say no.

He hates how Kyle posts "suggestive pictures" when he's away on vacation, and Facebook is the only form of contact. Stan hates how he feels shy when he looks at the pictures of Kyle on Facebook, and how that strange sting of jealously that he gets when Bebe "likes" a picture of Kyle's ass.

Stan hates how Facebook brought him and Kyle together in the strangest way, and how he's now known as "that gay couple from that town" almost everywhere, or every friend request he gets. He hates how he and Kyle are famous on Facebook, just because they are who they are.

Stanley Marsh fucking hates Facebook, even if it did get him and Kyle together. Stanley Marsh fucking hates how Facebook _is_ his and Kyle's relationship, and what Stan hates the fucking most:

Stanley Marsh hates that he can't appreciate Facebook like Kyle can.

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_**Like it? No? Any feedback is appreciated :)**_


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